Rainy morning this morning gives me zero motivation. I am so stressed out and tired, I wish I could just sleep but I can't seem to with the kids running about! They are the most ornery mischievous children this morning. I still haven't went out to feed the animals yet- did I mention I was tired. lol
Yesterday was a day of tears. Literally I cried most of the day, tried to keep myself together but I was so upset with OTC that I didn't have any other outlet than tears. Chris and I were expecting to get my loan refund last Thursday (as in a week ago today) but it didn't show up. I called Tuesday morning and they said if it didn't show up Wednesday morning to call back. So yesterday morning I called back. Talked to 6 different people and FINALLY someone tells me that it will be another 14 days until we get our money. I have past due bills, things I need to buy, and people to pay back. Chris has pawned 3 of his guns this month so we could pay the electric bill and have gas money. My gas light is on in my car, and we have to go to Weaubleau this weekend to mow hay if it isn't raining. We are going to sell some calves this Saturday for money. I hate that we have to. But I guess I should be glad that we have them to sell.
Last night I was sitting in Math 050 and was staring at a math problem. I stared at them for most of the class I just couldn't understand it. They are percentage word problems and I just can't get them. Finally my teacher told me I could go on home, they are not supposed to let you leave early, but I came into class about 30 minutes early so she said I could go home. I know she was worried about me and I didn't want her to worry. I had to leave earlier in the class to go to the restroom because I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes. I felt like failure. Can't do math, can't get a decent score on my tests in any class, have ZERO money yet am not in financial need according to the school (don't even want to go into that part of yesterday), my house is a wreck, my kids won't listen/obey me, I just can't seem to get anything right.
I just want to scream. Scream very very very loud.
Yesterday was a day of tears. Literally I cried most of the day, tried to keep myself together but I was so upset with OTC that I didn't have any other outlet than tears. Chris and I were expecting to get my loan refund last Thursday (as in a week ago today) but it didn't show up. I called Tuesday morning and they said if it didn't show up Wednesday morning to call back. So yesterday morning I called back. Talked to 6 different people and FINALLY someone tells me that it will be another 14 days until we get our money. I have past due bills, things I need to buy, and people to pay back. Chris has pawned 3 of his guns this month so we could pay the electric bill and have gas money. My gas light is on in my car, and we have to go to Weaubleau this weekend to mow hay if it isn't raining. We are going to sell some calves this Saturday for money. I hate that we have to. But I guess I should be glad that we have them to sell.
Last night I was sitting in Math 050 and was staring at a math problem. I stared at them for most of the class I just couldn't understand it. They are percentage word problems and I just can't get them. Finally my teacher told me I could go on home, they are not supposed to let you leave early, but I came into class about 30 minutes early so she said I could go home. I know she was worried about me and I didn't want her to worry. I had to leave earlier in the class to go to the restroom because I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes. I felt like failure. Can't do math, can't get a decent score on my tests in any class, have ZERO money yet am not in financial need according to the school (don't even want to go into that part of yesterday), my house is a wreck, my kids won't listen/obey me, I just can't seem to get anything right.
I just want to scream. Scream very very very loud.
1 comment:
*hugs* I am in a similar situation on the financial aspect. I don't know if the bills are going to get paid this month, and the electricity could be shut off any day. Have faith that it will get better, and the sun will shine again some day. Just hope that day comes while we still have electricity, water, and a place to live.
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