What I am striving for

Day after Day I am realizing how much crap I put in my body.  It is truly disgusting.  I have never been a health nut- I love my candy, but am now realizing what it is doing.  I have always been overweight and I am so sick and tired of not having a body made for clothes of any type really.  Not only am I sick of the fashion side, I am sick of feeling tired and worn out.  I am only 25 years old.

For starters I am going to try to quit drinking soda and try to limit my candy/sweets intakes.  I am going to make some homemade goodies- I think homemade cakes and cookies are better than those you buy at the store.  Hopefully I can get Chris on board with me, it would help if he didn't bring me a Coke and a Hershey's. lol.  I hope I can enforce this on the kids too.  We don't buy many snack foods, mostly because of the expense.  We are going to strive for more fruits and vegetables.

I know I am at an unhealthy weight.  I am not happy and I feel blah many times.  I am going to try and make more meals at home, and quit buying meal helpers like HB Helper (which I don't buy very often).  Also going to strive for larger portions of vegetables than meat.  I will always like my meat, but I don't think it should be the biggest part of the meal.

While sitting in Health class yesterday I realized just how many people don't cook and live off pre-packaged/processed foods.  UGH!

I have dreamed of someday in the future not having to go to the grocery store... I hope that day comes sooner than later.

My health teacher tried to tell me that whole milk was not good for me, I find it hard to believe that Skim Milk is better than fresh.  I just won't believe it.  I guess it depends on what you are considering healthy.  I guess I am not going for a diet, but more for a natural lifestyle.  Eating good doesn't have to be all carrots and celery and water.  It can be pork chops, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a salad as long as you don't have to go to a store for the items.  Someday I will even grind my own flour.

I find it curious how people say History repeats itself.  100 years ago people lived the life I strive for.  They strove for a better life, while I feel they had a better life than we do.

I may be off the spectrum or some would say off my rocker, but I don't think we should all just depend on technology all the time.  Technology has taken over our lives- it even can now tell you what to eat.  That scares me.  My health teacher reminds me of this teacher I had in High school named Mr Ragain.  I despised him.  These are the guys that are super health fanatics and couldn't live without their technology.  They have probably never driven down a dirt road and couldn't tell the difference between a Brahman and a Charolais.  Yesterday I had to listen to Mr White (rolls eyes) talk about how when you are grocery shopping you should scan your food with your smartphone because there is an app called Fooducate that will "grade" your food for you.  In other words it will tell you if the food is healthy or not.  Seriously?  You don't know what is healthy and you teach health?  I just want to punch him in the face. or at least educate him on what is healthy.

I guess I need to quit ranting about Health class...

In times like these you need a Savior

In times like these you need a anchor...

My Grandma Kirksey (my mom's mom) is dying.  It is so hard to admit that outloud.  She has been in the hospital since Sunday morning and is going home tomorrow with Hospice, IF she makes it through the night.  She has battled this illness for so long- she has trouble breathing and has been on oxygen for many years.  (She also smokes, but I won't go into that right now)  She has been house-ridden for the past few years, only getting out here and there.  She mostly sits at the kitchen table.

I feel helpless.  Mom doesn't want us all up at the hospital and I feel like I should be doing something but I don't know what.  I called Liz this afternoon to let her know.  She doesn't really act like she cares.

be very sure, be very sure, your anchor holds and grips the solid rock....

Mom also found out that Grandpa Kirksey has prostate cancer.  He has had it before and now it is back.  He doesn't want treatment because he did not do good with it last time- it made him really sick.

As far as I know Grandma does not know our precious Savior.  Please pray for our family.  I know my mom is struggling and I don't know what to do because I am not strong when it comes to this stuff.

this rock is Jesus, yes He is the One This rock is Jesus the Only One


Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock

In times like these you need the Bible
In times like these o be not idle
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock

This Rock is Jesus, Yes, He's the one
This Rock is Jesus, The only One
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock

In times like these, I have a Savior
In times like these, I have an anchor
I'm very sure, I'm very sure
My anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock

This Rock is Jesus, Yes, He's the one
This Rock is Jesus, The only One
I'm very sure, I'm very sure
My anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock 

Grandma and Grandpa Kirksey September 25, 2010
Their 60th Wedding anniversary.

Apple Cake

1/4 cup butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 tsp Apple Pie Spice
2 medium tart apples, peeled and grated
1/4 cup chopped pecans

Caramel Sauce
6 T Butter
1/2 C Heavy Cream
1 Cup Sugar

Cake directions:
In a large bowl cream together butter and sugar, blend in vanilla and egg. Combine flour, baking soda, Apple pie spice - gradually add to creamed mixture. Fold in apples and pecans. Batter will be thick.

Spread into a greased 8x8 baking dish and bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 40-45 minutes or until toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.

Caramel Sauce:
In a HEAVY bottomed pan heat sugar until it caramelizes, be careful not to burn. Stir frequently. Once it become brown and complete liquid add butter. Whisk or use a wooden spoon to melt and stir in butter, remove from heat and count to 3. Add Cream and stir in.

Pour caramel over the top of the cake let cool.

You can store in left over caramel sauce in the fridge for up to 3 months.


I didn't take a picture but it was really good!

Halter breaking...

I don't know much about halter breaking calves. But we are going to learn.  I am determined to learn, because I want to turn our two half dairy heifers into family milk cows.  These two heifers we raised from bottle calves last fall, they are part black angus and part gurnsey.  I have named them Harriet and Angel.  I am hoping to be be able to sell one of them and keep one of them, but they won't be ready to be milked until Spring 2013 or so.  Even still we need to start working with them now, or they are going to get to hard to handle.  They are very friendly and I am praying that they won't be stubborn and unruly.  I can pet them when they eat, so I think we will probably start them by feeding them.  I have been watching some youtube videos about halter breaking cattle, but surprisingly there isn't that much info out there.  Whenever you look up halter breaking most things that come up is about horses.

Some pics of Harriet and Angel:

Rainy morning

Rainy morning this morning gives me zero motivation.  I am so stressed out and tired, I wish I could just sleep but I can't seem to with the kids running about!  They are the most ornery mischievous children this morning.  I still haven't went out to feed the animals yet- did I mention I was tired. lol

Yesterday was a day of tears. Literally I cried most of the day, tried to keep myself together but I was so upset with OTC that I didn't have any other outlet than tears.  Chris and I were expecting to get my loan refund last Thursday (as in a week ago today) but it didn't show up.  I called Tuesday morning and they said if it didn't show up Wednesday morning to call back.  So yesterday morning I called back.  Talked to 6 different people and FINALLY someone tells me that it will be another 14 days until we get our money.  I have past due bills, things I need to buy, and people to pay back.  Chris has pawned 3 of his guns this month so we could pay the electric bill and have gas money.  My gas light is on in my car, and we have to go to Weaubleau this weekend to mow hay if it isn't raining.  We are going to sell some calves this Saturday for money.  I hate that we have to. But I guess I should be glad that we have them to sell.

Last night I was sitting in Math 050 and was staring at a math problem.  I stared at them for most of the class I just couldn't understand it.  They are percentage word problems and I just can't get them.  Finally my teacher told me I could go on home, they are not supposed to let you leave early, but I came into class about 30 minutes early so she said I could go home.  I know she was worried about me and I didn't want her to worry.  I had to leave earlier in the class to go to the restroom because I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes.  I felt like failure.  Can't do math, can't get a decent score on my tests in any class, have ZERO money yet am not in financial need according to the school (don't even want to go into that part of yesterday), my house is a wreck, my kids won't listen/obey me, I just can't seem to get anything right.

I just want to scream. Scream very very very loud.

What wonderful pictures God Paints for us!

Food Snobbery

So I have been called a food snob.  Ya know I don't really care, because I was called that because I do care (if that makes sense to you!)

I remember living on my own for the first time (in a dorm room).  I was in a new place 250 miles from home in a tiny 8x10 room sharing with a stranger.  We were not allowed hot plates of any kind and the food in the cafeteria wasn't the greatest.  I soon discovered there was kitchens provided for us to use at any time.  So I started buying groceries to cook with.  The first time I ever bought meat I was horrified.  I still to this day can't stand the look of fresh ground beef-- IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE WORMS!  It still turns my stomach to think about it!  AND I had never cook ground beef with so much FAT.  Our own beef is so lean that we never have to drain.  I soon dealt with it because I was hungry for home cooking and the over-priced cafeteria could never come close.

Now later on in life I have become worse.  I don't like to think about eating store bought eggs- they are just so bland.  When we go out to eat for breakfast I can't order eggs because they have zero taste.  I prefer raw milk, but will still drink milk from the store.  We just don't always have fresh milk.  But we are going to have fresh milk hopefully in the spring of 2013 if not sooner.  We have to heifer calves that are half Angus and half Guernsey.  We are going to start halter breaking both of them in the next month.

Halter breaking will be a new experience for me, but Chris said when his Uncle Bob lived in Kansas and worked on a ranch out there, Chris got to help halter break calves for showing.  So hopefully it all goes smoothly.  These calves are pretty tame already- they were last year's bottle babies and will follow you around like puppies!

I strive for the time where we rarely have to go to the store for groceries.  If I had the money I would build a house, preferably earth berm or pole barn style.  I would have a root cellar separate from the house where I could house all my goods.  In the house I would have a huge pantry complete with storage bins for bulk supplies (flour, sugar, salt, beans, etc) LEM would love me because I would have all of their products!  I would have my very own butcher shop complete with walk in cooler and freezer so we could process ALL of our own meats.  I would have a large greenhouse so I could have fresh produce year-round- with bees inside to pollinate.  That would be the life let me tell you.  Not having to depend on people all the time for EVERYTHING is my goal in life.

The past few months I have realized that my life revolves around being self sufficient, and many people just don't understand what that means to me.  Even my own family members think I am crazy.  My grandmother laughed at me when I told her all I had been doing, she kinda upset me but oh well I can't let things like that hurt my feelings.  I understand she doesn't see the want in doing things that she HAD to do when growing up since she remembers that as just the way of life with no other choices.  But like they always say the pasture is NOT always greener on the other side.  I have tried to live the fast paced life and it is just not for me.  I am a homebody among people that don't understand but among people like me I am very outgoing and not afraid to speak my mind.  I do love to teach people that are willing to learn or at least willing to listen.



And for a closing thought if you still think I am a snob remember this: Eggs in the store are approx. 6 weeks old before they get to your refrigerator and McDonald's Hamburgers are made with beef from cows from at least 6 different countries all ground together plus they often have non meat fillers in them.  (and no one said that the "hamburger" was actually made with ground beef...it is made with ground cow parts often containing organs. YUCK!

Have a great Day!

So I took my Hunter's Education Class this weekend

Friday evening we had class from 6-10 and Yesterday from 8-3 After 3pm we took our test.  It was 50 questions and I only missed 2!! I passed!

So now I gotta wait on my temporary license and until November... Gotta get me a gun!  Watch out deer!!

Such a beautiful morning!

Today is Labor day, September 5th and it is 57 degrees outside!  YES!  The high today is only 70! Yesterday was really nice too and I got a ton of things done. I cleaned out the chicken houses and got them organized.  Hoping to get the chickens used to laying in there nest boxes again.

Last week I preregistered for Hunter Safety Class...I never thought I would really be interested in Hunting, but I have discovered that I am a pretty good shot... and Chris is super excited that I want to.  I believe this is one of those things that will bring us closer.  You should have seen him on Saturday- we went to Bass Pro to look at guns- he was like a kid in a candy store and was so happy.

Today is the Annual Labor day tractor pull, our last pull of the season.  I am glad that it isn't going to be insanely hot today.  Hope there is a big crowd too.

a new proud moment picture :)

I just love this picture! So many different elements but I think it turned out AWESOME.  I took this a few weeks ago, but had forgot about it.

I entered a photo editing contest...

I entered a photo editing contest on BYC and won the Funniest Catagory with my muscovy duck hen, Stella.  Here are the pics: 

original picture

Picture I submitted and won with.

Picture I submitted for the prize

My prize!  Edited by bella1210