Rainy morning

Rainy morning this morning gives me zero motivation.  I am so stressed out and tired, I wish I could just sleep but I can't seem to with the kids running about!  They are the most ornery mischievous children this morning.  I still haven't went out to feed the animals yet- did I mention I was tired. lol

Yesterday was a day of tears. Literally I cried most of the day, tried to keep myself together but I was so upset with OTC that I didn't have any other outlet than tears.  Chris and I were expecting to get my loan refund last Thursday (as in a week ago today) but it didn't show up.  I called Tuesday morning and they said if it didn't show up Wednesday morning to call back.  So yesterday morning I called back.  Talked to 6 different people and FINALLY someone tells me that it will be another 14 days until we get our money.  I have past due bills, things I need to buy, and people to pay back.  Chris has pawned 3 of his guns this month so we could pay the electric bill and have gas money.  My gas light is on in my car, and we have to go to Weaubleau this weekend to mow hay if it isn't raining.  We are going to sell some calves this Saturday for money.  I hate that we have to. But I guess I should be glad that we have them to sell.

Last night I was sitting in Math 050 and was staring at a math problem.  I stared at them for most of the class I just couldn't understand it.  They are percentage word problems and I just can't get them.  Finally my teacher told me I could go on home, they are not supposed to let you leave early, but I came into class about 30 minutes early so she said I could go home.  I know she was worried about me and I didn't want her to worry.  I had to leave earlier in the class to go to the restroom because I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes.  I felt like failure.  Can't do math, can't get a decent score on my tests in any class, have ZERO money yet am not in financial need according to the school (don't even want to go into that part of yesterday), my house is a wreck, my kids won't listen/obey me, I just can't seem to get anything right.

I just want to scream. Scream very very very loud.

What wonderful pictures God Paints for us!

Food Snobbery

So I have been called a food snob.  Ya know I don't really care, because I was called that because I do care (if that makes sense to you!)

I remember living on my own for the first time (in a dorm room).  I was in a new place 250 miles from home in a tiny 8x10 room sharing with a stranger.  We were not allowed hot plates of any kind and the food in the cafeteria wasn't the greatest.  I soon discovered there was kitchens provided for us to use at any time.  So I started buying groceries to cook with.  The first time I ever bought meat I was horrified.  I still to this day can't stand the look of fresh ground beef-- IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE WORMS!  It still turns my stomach to think about it!  AND I had never cook ground beef with so much FAT.  Our own beef is so lean that we never have to drain.  I soon dealt with it because I was hungry for home cooking and the over-priced cafeteria could never come close.

Now later on in life I have become worse.  I don't like to think about eating store bought eggs- they are just so bland.  When we go out to eat for breakfast I can't order eggs because they have zero taste.  I prefer raw milk, but will still drink milk from the store.  We just don't always have fresh milk.  But we are going to have fresh milk hopefully in the spring of 2013 if not sooner.  We have to heifer calves that are half Angus and half Guernsey.  We are going to start halter breaking both of them in the next month.

Halter breaking will be a new experience for me, but Chris said when his Uncle Bob lived in Kansas and worked on a ranch out there, Chris got to help halter break calves for showing.  So hopefully it all goes smoothly.  These calves are pretty tame already- they were last year's bottle babies and will follow you around like puppies!

I strive for the time where we rarely have to go to the store for groceries.  If I had the money I would build a house, preferably earth berm or pole barn style.  I would have a root cellar separate from the house where I could house all my goods.  In the house I would have a huge pantry complete with storage bins for bulk supplies (flour, sugar, salt, beans, etc) LEM would love me because I would have all of their products!  I would have my very own butcher shop complete with walk in cooler and freezer so we could process ALL of our own meats.  I would have a large greenhouse so I could have fresh produce year-round- with bees inside to pollinate.  That would be the life let me tell you.  Not having to depend on people all the time for EVERYTHING is my goal in life.

The past few months I have realized that my life revolves around being self sufficient, and many people just don't understand what that means to me.  Even my own family members think I am crazy.  My grandmother laughed at me when I told her all I had been doing, she kinda upset me but oh well I can't let things like that hurt my feelings.  I understand she doesn't see the want in doing things that she HAD to do when growing up since she remembers that as just the way of life with no other choices.  But like they always say the pasture is NOT always greener on the other side.  I have tried to live the fast paced life and it is just not for me.  I am a homebody among people that don't understand but among people like me I am very outgoing and not afraid to speak my mind.  I do love to teach people that are willing to learn or at least willing to listen.



And for a closing thought if you still think I am a snob remember this: Eggs in the store are approx. 6 weeks old before they get to your refrigerator and McDonald's Hamburgers are made with beef from cows from at least 6 different countries all ground together plus they often have non meat fillers in them.  (and no one said that the "hamburger" was actually made with ground beef...it is made with ground cow parts often containing organs. YUCK!

Have a great Day!

So I took my Hunter's Education Class this weekend

Friday evening we had class from 6-10 and Yesterday from 8-3 After 3pm we took our test.  It was 50 questions and I only missed 2!! I passed!

So now I gotta wait on my temporary license and until November... Gotta get me a gun!  Watch out deer!!

Such a beautiful morning!

Today is Labor day, September 5th and it is 57 degrees outside!  YES!  The high today is only 70! Yesterday was really nice too and I got a ton of things done. I cleaned out the chicken houses and got them organized.  Hoping to get the chickens used to laying in there nest boxes again.

Last week I preregistered for Hunter Safety Class...I never thought I would really be interested in Hunting, but I have discovered that I am a pretty good shot... and Chris is super excited that I want to.  I believe this is one of those things that will bring us closer.  You should have seen him on Saturday- we went to Bass Pro to look at guns- he was like a kid in a candy store and was so happy.

Today is the Annual Labor day tractor pull, our last pull of the season.  I am glad that it isn't going to be insanely hot today.  Hope there is a big crowd too.

a new proud moment picture :)

I just love this picture! So many different elements but I think it turned out AWESOME.  I took this a few weeks ago, but had forgot about it.

I entered a photo editing contest...

I entered a photo editing contest on BYC and won the Funniest Catagory with my muscovy duck hen, Stella.  Here are the pics: 

original picture

Picture I submitted and won with.

Picture I submitted for the prize

My prize!  Edited by bella1210